In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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