i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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