well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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