YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Watching her eat just hurts me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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