I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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