Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
