i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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