Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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