i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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