I got chris browned last night
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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