If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize