I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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