this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
