I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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