I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
