I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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