I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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