He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
