there was a trapeze. enough said
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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