She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
