I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
