'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
