New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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