I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
