She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
