I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want her autograph on my taint
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
