Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
