Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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