I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
