seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
