her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
