im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize