Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
