Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
