He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
