I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
