The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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