Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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