CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
