The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
