Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
