Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
