I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
