We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
3pm strippers are depressing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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