awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
