Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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