You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
