After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The struggles of a small town man whore
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You were trust falling into bushes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize