New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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