Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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