Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
