Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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