So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
