Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
