areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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