so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
