So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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