My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
