and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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