I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
