every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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