I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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