I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
