Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You ate ashes out of my bong
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
