i will never coherently bang her
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
