All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
